Gag Me with a Smooch

Smack, smack. Slurp, slurp. That isn't the sound of me consuming a turkey sandwich and a smoothie (although sometimes it's very similar). That's the sound of an oblivious, inconsiderate, and "oh, so in love" couple making out in the cafeteria.
To be fair, they're not the only oblivious, inconsiderate, and "oh, so tacky"couple out there, because they're not the only couple doing it. Not IT, but displaying other over-the-top public affection. Public Displays of Affection has risen by 51 percent in the last year, says a credible, yet, anonymous source. As I shot an annoyed glare at the couple, while consuming my sandwich and smoothie (slight smack, slight slurp), I realized the growing epidemic, and I was ticked off.
Everywhere I go I see another couple swallowing each other's faces, groping like there's no tomorrow, or (insert air quotes)whispering things that I would only expect to here on channels that I would never pay extra for. Who cares if a couple is holding hands, hugging, or even a few kisses here and there? I don't. But what ticks me off is when I can't tell whether they're siamese twins joined with their hands on each other's bottom, or if one of them accidently dropped their expensive text book down the other's throat and is searching frantically for it with his/her tongue. I'm not the only one feeling the anger of having to be an involuntary viewer of such inconsideration.
Recent studies have shown that 76 percent of people experience actual gag reflexes when seeing someone play "tongue of war" in a public vicinity. In all honesty, I'm not a bitter single person who hates to see love going around. I would just as adamantly be defending my position on PDA if I weren't spending my Friday nights working and watching PBS specials on cephalopods (sob, sob). I'm merely someone who likes to see others acknowledge that there are people around them who would prefer not to barf up their lunch.
If you haven't already caught on to the fact that there is no credible, yet, anonymous source who claims that PDA is on the rise by 51 percent(DUH!), or that ther is no study that proves people gag when seeing PDA (double DUH!), then I feel I should be completely honest with you. I kid you not when I say that as soon as I was getting up to go barf on the inconsiderate couple, the girl says to her boyfriend about another annoyed, involuntary cafeteria viewer, " Let's go, people are staring. Some people are so rude".
Needless to say, I didn't finish my lunch, and I was ticked off.